


Don't go chasing waterfalls

by mysterytour



Category: Stargate - All Media Types, Stargate Universe
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Drinking, Drunken Shenanigans, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Music, TLC, a stupid piece of nonsense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-10 05:22:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19900504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysterytour/pseuds/mysterytour
Summary: Chloe steals Rush's Bluetooth speakers and Rush is rEaL mAd AbOuT iT





	Don't go chasing waterfalls

**Author's Note:**

> CW for some piss stuff, for which I am very, very sorry.

Dr Nick Rush’s first thought was _there’s something wrong with Destiny._ His second thought was: _there’s something right with Destiny, but it wasn’t happening until now_. Rush strained his ears. He couldn’t hear it, rather, he could feel it through his fingertips resting on the console, through the soles of his shoes. A soft, rhythmic vibration. As he zeroed in on the sensation he could make out complexities under the stronger rhythm, almost like…

Rush went to investigate. As soon as he stepped into the corridor he could hear it. Music. But how? He was the only person on Destiny who had access to… Rush clenched his jaw. His blood boiled. How _DARE_ … He had been quick to anger since the death of his wife (perhaps he always had been) and his blood was already boiling. He marched throughthe empty corridor that echoed with his footsteps in the direction of the beat. _The absolute bloody CHEEK_. He had had enough disrespect and enough of people getting in the way of his work to uncover the secrets of the universe, and herpsyched himself up to give whoever was responsible for this an absolute EARFUL. Rush quickly followed the corridor around to the observation deck.

He was absolutely STEAMING.

Rush tapped the pad on the wall with an unnecessary level of force and an unnecessary number of times. The door opened at its usual pace. Rush strode into the room. Some pop tune or another (Rush couldn’t identify the genre because he hadn’t followed popular music since the Old Grey Whistle Test) pounding osut of _his_ speakers at an offensive volume. Chloe and Eli were, he supposed, were doing what they would call it dancing in the middle of the room, while Dr Brody and Dr Volker were sat about on the floor with splayed legs and untucked shirts. Chloe’s tights lay abandoned on the floor, one leg trailing haplessly across his path.

Nick Rush did not like a lot of people, but he liked Chloe. She was more intelligent than people gave her credit for and it had nothing to do with her cute nose or slender arms (Rush told himself) and if he hadn’t riled himself up to the task he probably would have been much more civil. But this was _her_ music to which she was singing along very badly, playing through _his_ speakers which had been tidily put away in _his_ quarters. Rush seethed.

‘Chloe Armstrong, what _exactly_ do you think gives you the right—’

‘Don’t go chasing WATERFALLS—’

‘to just WALTZ into my quarters and take—‘

‘Just stick to the rivers and the lakes that—’

‘whatever you BLOODY WELL please?’

‘you’re USED TO!’

Volker turned up the volume with an irreverent smirk.

‘I insist you turn down that INFERNAL racket at once!’ Rush spat.

‘My earbuds broke months ago and I needed to listen to TLC, Dr Rush, I needed to!’ Chloe shouted with a delirious grin. Rush marched right up to her, expecting a degree of ignominy or at least that she would stop dancing. Chloe did neither. She was drunk, he realised. There was a tin cup in her hand with sickly brown dregs in the bottom.

‘Then why didn’t you ask to borrow my speakers?’

‘You’d’ve said no!’ Chloe pouted.

‘That’s not the case!’ Rush was certain that he would probably have allowed her to use them had she knocked on his door and asked politely. Probably.

‘Okay—can I use your speakers for TLC?’

‘I, well, if it’s not too loud. I don’t want you to wear them out.’

‘Oh come on!’

Ever so slightly, Volker turned the volume up again. Rush pursed his lips and pointed a finger. Volker poked out his tongue and turned it down, ever so slightly.

‘You know, I would have expected better behaviour from you Miss Armstrong—’

‘Would you?’ Eli made the appropriate face to go with his tone of voice.

‘I’m a nice girl, Eli, I don’t know what you’re saying!’ Chloe declared.

‘I’ve partied with her, I’ve seen… _things_.’

‘Come one, I wasn’t _that_ bad.’

‘Six hours in monster heels.’

‘They weren’t that high.’

‘In someone else’s feet.’

Eli pointed the canteen at Rush’s chin and mouthed _se_ _e?_ Before using it to refill Chloe’s cup.

Chloe sipped at the brownish, yellowish liquid that smelt like dirty fish tank and made a face as though she’d been slapped. She took a bigger sip this time and looked even worse.

Rush calmed down a little. ‘I suggest the lot of you find some self respect and give that moonshine a rest.’

‘Oh this isn’t moonshine, I ran out of the stuff to make that.’ Brody said, ‘This is hooch.’Rush didn’t care what the distinction was, but Brody went on to explain himself, ‘It’s made from algae and uh… some other stuff.’

‘I don’t care if you’re drinking your own piss.’ Rush told him.

‘I mean it is. It’s literally made from my piss.’

‘And mine.’ Volker added.

‘Oh my god.’ Chloe said.

‘I told you what it was before you started drinking it.’ Brody said.

‘Yeah, but I was drunk enough that I forgot.’

Rush was as speechless as he was appalled.

Eli swigged the canteen. ‘Oh—oh god! Jesus CHRIST.’ His eyes started watering profusely.

‘I hope you’re sufficiently disgusted with yourself.’ Rush told them.

‘Oh we are.’ Eli raised his cup of piss-algae.

‘You want some?’ Brody asked Rush. He had a canteen in his own hand.

‘No, Dr Brody, I do not _wan_ t some.’

‘Come on, you miserable fuck.’ Volker slurred.

Rush fumed. ‘Well at least I’m not a—an incompetent fuck.’

‘You tried to frame someone for murder and it got solved in less than two hours.’

‘Firstly, that is an exaggeration; secondly, that is _no_ laughing matter!’

‘Face it, Rush, you’re not Macavity the Mystery Cat.’ Volker said. ‘You’re a Mungojerry at best. _At best._ ’

‘I feel like he’s more of a Magical Mister Mistoffelees.’ Eli mused.

‘Really? What’s your rationale?’

‘I dunno… He’s svelte. And British.’

‘All the cats in _Cats_ are British.’

‘And svelte.’ Added Brody.

‘Okay so who am I?’ Volker said.

Eli thought for a moment. ‘Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat.’

‘Really? That is the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.’

Brody piped up: ‘Just a word of warning, there might be a smidge of methanol in there, so if any of you lose your sight in the next twenty four hours… my bad.’

‘I don’t want no scrub, a scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me.’ Chloe sang to herself. Eli joined in the next line and started moving with renewed purpose.

Rush didn’t know what else to say. He had had quite enough of this nonsense. ‘I expect my speakers returned to my quarters as soon as you’re done humiliating yourself and in perfect condition,’ He told Chloe.

‘Sure. Of course.’ Chloe smiled a smile that said _I knew you’d forgive me._

‘And the rest of you, just remembe: you drunk Brody’s urine of your on volition.’

‘Hanging out the passenger side of his best friends ride, trying to holler at me!’ Eli and Chloe sang.

Volker gave Rush the finger as he left them to it. _You’ll suffer for that, tomorrow._ Rush thought, angrily. He also thought: _Amanda_ _would never behave in this way. She’d_ _have better things to than drink piss with these idiots, even if she wasn’t in the Destiny mainframe._

Probably.


End file.
